All the sorry and then some more...

June 18, 2019
Okay, hands up if you catch yourself saying sorry or apologising more times than you care to mention or count.
*slowly raises hand*
You know the times:
·       Sorry (when someone stands on your foot)
·       Sorry, for the delay in replying to an email or text
·       Sorry to interrupt you
·       Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cross
·       Sorry, I have removed notifications from my phone
And, so on and so on it goes.

Do we actually feel regret when someone has stood on your foot?
When living with other grown-ups, is it making sure we always have milk, really just on us? No, everyone should pitch in.

Are we really expressing sympathy that we've chosen to focus on other things and not focus on living in our inbox or sat waiting by our phones for a message to pop up?
We become so used to being apologetic, that we're on the tip of apologising for our very existence (especially if your anything like me). Our keen constant over-apologising is laying to blame, shame and responsibility at our doors - for the very things that are out of our own control too, such as making someone cross or how they react to our own behaviour is on them and not us.

In doing so, we are undermining our own confidence, self-esteem, identity and being as  awkwardness as possible. Instead of a way to express sympathy or to make amends when we've done something wrong, it's become a way to dodge the discomfort or to the unamenable. But there's something in feeling discomfort - it's honest. It's honest in a way that uttering a willy-nilly 'sorry' when we don't at all mean it, not in the way the word was designed to be used... It's now very much overused, these days. 

When we refuse to shoulder the blame for something that wasn't ever our fault in the first place, we're creating something honest. We're asserting boundaries. We're stepping into our own  self-worth, shoulders up, head raised and we're saying no to guilt and shame that never belonged at our doors in the first place.

There are several things which we absolutely do not need to be apologetic for or about:
·       Taking up space
·       Asserting and laying down our boundaries
·       How quickly or slowly we respond to a message
·       For the behaviour and emotions of others
·       When someone knocks into us
·       Finding and using our voice
·       Being who we are (quirks and all - embrace those beauts)

You need to try to be mindful of the sorrys you're giving away. Pause and consider if you've really done anything wrong in the first place. Pause and think is this sorry even needed have i done anything wrong? Pause and ask yourself if you really are truly sorry. pause and decide to not deminish the value of who you are by needlessly throwing those sorrys away for nothing. 


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