tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91498021900568381202024-02-07T11:27:21.497+00:00beccasloveforlifebeccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-33627325280043567202020-03-28T18:33:00.000+00:002022-05-11T14:26:22.503+01:00Tough Love Doesn't Work On My Mental Illness<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 200; letter-spacing: 1.2px; margin: 0px 0px 28px; orphans: 2; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Your tough love doesn't work on my mental illness. Period. Your dismissive attitude towards me doesn't work on my mental illness either. I head the words "snap out of it" or "man up" or "other people have things worse than you". But, these words don't encourage me. They only make me feel worthless and hopeless and that I am a DIY project that needs fixing. </span></div>
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<a name='more'></a><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">My mental illness is exactly that, an illness. It doesn't just 'disappear' when I want it to or because you say it's time to "snap out of it". If it worked just like that, I would have waved goodbye to it almost six years ago. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">When people say its time for tough love, what they are simply saying is that my mental illness is inconveniencing them or that maybe they don't believe it even exists. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">I cant just wave a magic wand to push my mental illness aside to do everything you wish me to do. Just like someone cant forget a physical illness.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">There are many complexities to a person's mental illness, including years of learnt behaviours, chemical imbalances in the brain and at times trauma. Treatment can be a long and difficult process and even some mental illnesses don’t just go away after treatment. They have to be managed for the rest of the persons life. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">If you push someone with a mental illness to hard it can actually send them in a downwards spiral. I know this all too well unfortunately. Its happened to me more than once over the last six years. I've been pushed into situations I haven't been ready for and have ended up resulting in breakdowns, ultimately ending in relapse. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">For instance when you push someone with an eating disorder into eating things or challenging behaviours that are too big an anxiety to them and their disorder, you only end up reinforcing their fears and their intrusive negative thoughts and this can ultimately set them back in their recovery. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Or, when you push someone who self harms to stop. This can lead to sneakiness and them not being open and telling the truth, the same can be said for someone with an eating disorder. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">I've several times went cold turkey with my behaviours in an effort to recover, but ended up breaking down and slipping up. Sometimes going cold turkey can be very very overwhelming and can set us back. Sometimes small goals are better. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Though, exposure therapy is a great technique for eating disorders and self harm, it isnt just as simple as going to face your fears head on. There is a LOT more to it. Its taking small achievable steps, like I just said. whilst working through all the intrusive negative thoughts. whilst dropping all the learnt behaviours to "cope". Its about going small till you are ready to move onto the bigger things. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">For others, managing their illness may be getting the right medication and adjusting it to the right dose for them. Though not everyone with a mental illness is on medication. It might be other forms of therapy or, it is sometimes situational and will unlikely go anywhere until the situation has changed or stopped. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Right now, for me I am at the stage I'm doing therapy and also adjusting my medications to the right level. This is after an eight month hospital admission (not everyone with mental illness has to go into hospital). </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Where are you on your road with mental illness just now? I would love to know and this is a safe space to talk about it.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Becca x</span></div>
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<span style="color: #004000;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="color: black;"></span><br />beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-76321203618136159892019-08-11T15:47:00.000+01:002022-05-11T14:12:34.060+01:00Inside my bordeline mind <span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">People want to know what it feels like to live with BPD (emotional unstable personality disorder.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><b>FACTS:</b> Bpd is a serious mental illness / disorder which affect the personality functions of a person through their emotional dysregulation. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0LlM-ehwtWdUIlzKfBS-LmJfIeQkNshz0aAATPMWrVuVqdyxpxpDbgSJ65uE8vTOuoq0raR7jUGd6_pVr0sqC7Z-B9DC1Lm2TdWiRGVr4w2dRdxRPTVATO0j7Cd_sec2cUC5B0xu0IXWd/s1600/DSC06126+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1559" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0LlM-ehwtWdUIlzKfBS-LmJfIeQkNshz0aAATPMWrVuVqdyxpxpDbgSJ65uE8vTOuoq0raR7jUGd6_pVr0sqC7Z-B9DC1Lm2TdWiRGVr4w2dRdxRPTVATO0j7Cd_sec2cUC5B0xu0IXWd/s1600/DSC06126+%25282%2529.JPG" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">It feels like you aren't living at all some days and others feeling so alive, sometimes too alive. You are someone that feels the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Some days you can feel somewhat normal but you are easily triggered by the smallest of things. <span style="background-color: white; display: inline; float: none; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Feeling unheard is a thing we battle a lot even when spoken too, we read into things more than others, B</span>y the way someone looks at their watch while talking to you. Makes you feel unheard. Being easily triggered sets you off... you quickly abandon everything. Everything goes.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Relationships are hard, you find yourself pushing everyone away even though the voice within you want you to keep them near, for security. But you are also very aware your behaviours will strain relationships. It's a big old catch 22. At times you feel like a burden and nothing else and at other points you cans shine bright and feel loved. It's conflicting and confusing.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Trusting people can be difficult because you don't want them to see the 'real' you, the dark you. That you feel is unlovable.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">You can be triggered by some tiny comment and anger roars inside you and you have no idea how to cope with it. Sometimes you can inflict harm upon yourself as a way to deal with it, but it doesn't really help. You tell yourself you deserve the pain or to prove you are alive.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">There is a constant battle within your brain of not wanting to live, you carry this everyday. some days it feels like a warm blanket or a safety net and at other times you feel trapped. If someone tells you to think "positive" or change makes you feel obscene. Someone telling you that suicide is for cowards makes you feel misunderstood.</span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Most of the time you struggle to know who you really are, you feel lost. You can mimic what others do as a way to try and 'find yourself' but really that's not you. You can feel it's so very hard to express how you really feel and that too can be why you inflict pain upon yourself as its easier for you to show others you are hurting.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">You can be so hard to reach at times when you are in great distress. It can feel like everything is happening to you and the darkness feels so dark. You can start to destroy yourself. You have two choices: to reach out for help or you may attempt a suicide. But as someone with BPD you are resilient you try again. You suffer so deeply from the pain and emotions you feel. So much of the time you keep pushing on. Searching for love and hope.</span><br />
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<br />beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-57559648520130083522019-06-23T21:17:00.001+01:002022-05-11T14:12:09.433+01:00Five things I wish people knew about BPD <div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sf ui text"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Living with BPD, in my experience, comes with a double whammy of difficulties. As if the various aspects of borderline personality disorder are not difficult enough, the condition tends to be very misunderstood and stigmatised. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">These are the top 5 things I wish people understood about my BPD. But please before I get started remember everyone with a BPD diagnosis is an individual and so your list may look very different to mine! But that’s okay! So here is my list.... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">This is the thing I wish most people understood. If people knew how extreme emotions can feel for me, then perhaps they would understand my behaviour when I am upset and distressed a bit more than they do. The emotions come over me like storms that we aren’t ready for. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">It’s frustrating when people assume that all medical professionals are compassionate and non-judgemental by default. Some are, however others are far from it. Sometimes people look at me in disbelief and horror when I retell experiences of how awful I have been treated by mental health professionals. (Please Note: I have also had some </span><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext-bold"; font-weight: bold;">amazing</span><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"> care too). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext-semibold"; font-size: 19pt;"><b>Just how difficult it is</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">There are some days when I am in so much emotional pain that I think constantly about suicide. Some days, everything hurts and I feel I can't go on. To pick myself up after each episode, each fear of abandonment and urge to self-harm, it’s tiring... exhausting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext-semibold"; font-size: 19pt;"><b>The shame and embarrassment and guilt</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">If only people could know how ashamed I have felt when I have been in crisis, sitting in A&E waiting hours for yet another psychiatric assessment and feeling guilty about wasting A&E’s time. I can only describe the depth of this shame as lying in a pool of my own vomit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><b>The trauma of BPD</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I haven't heard many talk about this, but I feel traumatised by my own experiences of suicidal thoughts, self-harm and periods of extreme depression. I have painful vivid memories of things I have been through & carrying that around has been a literal nightmare. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">What do you wish people knew about BPD, tell me in the comments below </span></div>
beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-29926713744445891232019-06-02T21:42:00.001+01:002022-05-11T14:11:15.276+01:00Living with BPD (emotional unstable personality disoder)<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">If you follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/beccaslovefor_" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTiM66EjbwXH64117KfUQvA?view_as=subscriber" target="_blank">YouTube</a> or <a href="https://www.facebook.com/beccaslovefor" target="_blank">Facebook</a> you will have probably seen me talk about BPD which is Borderline Personality Disorder or otherwise know in the UK as EUPD. EUPD stands for Emotion Unstable Personality Disorder.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigFXl5-VZRgtOPKEUfVx_MuB6U4tM_zXmcUOt0lfwPRTX8SzhM9gXMRA2k1tLwG5VCam3H8rjbfnlwIBvYXzjReNX4YRWn8uvqgQRAQAMombvMtnqvLcK4cVARUVnCDnFsXlWODQV8L-5R/s1600/unnamed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigFXl5-VZRgtOPKEUfVx_MuB6U4tM_zXmcUOt0lfwPRTX8SzhM9gXMRA2k1tLwG5VCam3H8rjbfnlwIBvYXzjReNX4YRWn8uvqgQRAQAMombvMtnqvLcK4cVARUVnCDnFsXlWODQV8L-5R/s1600/unnamed.jpg" title="Living with BPD (emotional unstable personality disorder)" /></span></a></div>
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">It's taken me a while to write on my blog that I struggle with a personality disorder. Why, because they are very stigmatised. It's 100 times harder than saying "I have depression" the word "personality" makes me feel like something is wrong with my character. It feels like since I got the diagnosis that everyone is just making fun of me because I was so used to being diagnosed with Depression, anxiety, anorexia and Autism. My Twitter, YouTube and Facebook are much much smaller platforms than my blog and that's why they both felt like a safe haven for some time to talk about my personality disorder and to not talk about it on here. </span>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">If you would prefer to watch a video on living with BPD (emotional unstable personality disorder) I have inserted the video I recorded last week at the end of this post. It also might help the information written in this post make a bit more sense.</span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;">Living with a personality disorder is pretty tough. It's a very conflicting illness for the person who struggles with it. You have very black and white thinking with no grey area. No two people struggle with a personality disorder the same way. Each struggle with different things. To be diagnosed with BPD/EUPD you need to meet five of the nine traits/ symptoms which are:</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Extreme fear of abandonment</b> - This can be done by making sure you are the one to abandon someone before they abandon you or by making sure you avoid people abandoning you. The panic someone can feel isnt just lonlieness its an internal crisis when someone leaves you. </span></span></span></span></span></li>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Intense rapid mood swings</b> - People with BPD/EUPD can have very sudden changes in mood for no apparent reason and it can happen in a split second. It is incredibly confusing and exhausting for the person. Every emotion, every feeling, every reaction is a million times more intensified than the average person. </span></span></span></span></span></li>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Impulsive behaviours</b> - <span style="background-color: white; display: inline; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;">What impulsive behaviours are is when the person doesn't think of the consequence of their action(s). AN impulsive behaviour </span>can be things like spending sprees, alchol abuse, drug abuse, self harm ect. </span></span></span></span></span></li>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Suicidal behaviour and self harm</b> - It's not uncommon for people with BPD/EUPD to have chronic suicidal thoughts/ intent as well as self harm. </span></span></span></span></span></li>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Dissociation</b> - This is where someone looses touch with reality/ doesn't feel real. You can feel like you are looking at the world through glass. </span></span></span></span></span></li>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Unstable self image/ identity</b> - Not knowing who you are when someone leaves you. It's also not as simple as liking someone's company it's litrally not knowing who you are without them. </span></span></span></span></span></li>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Chronic feelings of emptiness</span></b></span></li>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Unstable relationships</b> - not knowing your significance in somebodies life. You can be over clingy or not clingy at all. You can love someone one minute and hate them the next. </span></span></span></span></span></li>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 20px; orphans: 2; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: pre-wrap; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Splitting</b> - This is where you feel very split between decisions. It could be that you go from idolising someone you love to absolutly hating them, sometimes without a reason and you cant do anything about it. You can also feel you want help to keep you alive/ safe and at the same time just wanting everyone to leave and let you hurt yourself. You can become very frustrated and angry. It's not uncommon for people with BPD/EUPD to have explosive anger. </span></span></span></span></span></li>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">"Attention seeking" is a medical term that is associated with BPD/EUPD. The truth is that the person isn't being attention seeking through their behaviours. They use the behaviours because they have no idea how else to show their emotional pain. Because with BPD/EUPD emotions are so intense they can be incredibly hard for the person to understand/ vocalise and at times behaviours show people how much they are struggling. The words "attention seeking" personally I think should be banned. the behaviours are a symptom of something else going on. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">For some, BPD/EUPD can be linked to emotional, physical and sexual abuse and general trauma from childhood like bullying (amongst other things). Not knowing any other way to cope you revert to turn inward on yourself. Being your very biggest bully saying horrible nasty things to yourself because you feel you "deserve it". Over time you believe the things you say/ said about yourself even if they aren't true. They become very real. It's because of these false beleifs that people with BPD/EUPD are more likely to lash out and no it's not because they are mean. It's because they emotionally hurt all the time.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Please let me know in the comments what else you would like to learn about BPD/EUPD and if you want to learn how it effects me personally I would be more than happy to speak more about it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Becca x</span><br />
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estri Amplexus Retweeted bpdshit</div>
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beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-46133969282577440392019-04-27T13:49:00.000+01:002022-05-11T14:23:21.452+01:00Autism And Mental Health - Getting personal <span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Imagine being 16 and being told that you will and have been living with a learning disability all your life. You never knew you had or even suspected. You learn that the disability had been colouring your every interaction you had made with the world. From the way you perceive sensory things like sounds and lights to the way you communicate with others.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAkT2zaKfboGqcIcYJlqkBWCAmDLD7P90JBxYpttVtL2Re98l_zlhiXpq_uCsrxyLEuvE2aHu0fRy9AUcPYuM5nJdEcTLMGJ3m9M7Nu8LkFfjl017wyH_fOdGdxopGIDuLQv5GHPDj8eFF/s1600/image_6483441.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="884" data-original-width="1024" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAkT2zaKfboGqcIcYJlqkBWCAmDLD7P90JBxYpttVtL2Re98l_zlhiXpq_uCsrxyLEuvE2aHu0fRy9AUcPYuM5nJdEcTLMGJ3m9M7Nu8LkFfjl017wyH_fOdGdxopGIDuLQv5GHPDj8eFF/s1600/image_6483441.JPG" /></span></a></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">This was the position I was put in at age 16, almost 2 years exactly ago. Not only now did I have: depression, anxiety, an eating disorder and dyslexia. But now too had autism. I was confused. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Autism otherwise more known as ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is a developmental disability, just like dyslexia and it exists on a spectrum. It isn't experienced by any two people the same. Each individual is affected differently by social interaction, communication and the way they receive sensory input. Autism isn't something that can be cured or treated and it can't be developed by vaccinations (like some once thought) but it's the way the brain develops, the condition is from birth. Autism is thought to affect 1 in 100 people, though it is now believed that it may be more common than that. It is now being recognised how underdiagnosed autism is, especially amongst young girls and women. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Why is it that it is underdiagnosed in girls and women? </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Well, there are two reasons: first that the diagnostic tools are more tailored towards autistic boys and it is now recommended that autism assessments should be adapted for girls and women as it is now recognised that they might not fit the 'typical' profile of autism. Girls and women are more likely to 'mask' their symptoms for example social difficulties as they teach themselves how to socialise.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">It is fortunate that I was ever diagnosed because I fall into the bracket where I 'mask' my symptoms of having autism. I never actively looked for a diagnosis, which some fight for years to get. It only came about for me as a doctor I was working with at the time picked up on the small things about my life/ behaviours, which I never knew were autistic traits. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">I never realised that my struggle with being overwhelmed in loud or bright environments, my repetitive behaviours, my obsessive interests (which helped create <a href="http://www.beccasloveforlife.blogspot.com/">www.beccasloveforlife.blogspot.com</a>) and the rigid structure I liked and the breakdowns I had if I thought I was going to be late for anything or plans changed last minute. Little did I or my family know these were all clear signs I was autistic. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">It took me a year to come to terms with my diagnosis. Why, I'm not sure. I just brushed it under the carpet and 'didn't want to realise' that actually my difficulties growing up weren't personal failings to me, but a symptom of my condition. Now, accepting my diagnosis was a step towards me understanding myself more. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Autism by itself isn't a mental illness. However people who are autistic are more likely to experience a mental illnesses than the general population. In particular they are more likely to have: anxiety, depression, OCD and eating disorders. A combonation of biological differences in the structure/ makeup of the brain of an autistic person, communication difficulties, social differences and low self esteem often are contributing factors in the poor mental health of autistic people. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Frustratingly, there are very few, if not no mental health services providing specialist support for autistic people in the UK and many of us struggle to get the appropriate levels of support. Personally, I find there is lack of knowledge by mental health professionals around autism though some have been great. However, I am lucky to have a team who try and understand my autism. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">For some they end up with no support and go without any diagnosis and this isn't good enough. We need to make sure that everyone with autism have access to a formal diagnosis and should they want<span style="color: black;">/</span> need it the appropriate services which are easily accessible. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">If you have autism just like me, please don't be afraid to tell people you have autism. I don't use my autism as an excuse, but it is helpful to let people know as at times situations can arise where someone would need to know how to support me in the correct manner and not get frustrated or angry at me. It can be so frustrating to me when people don't understand autism but usually people are very helpful and try and understand as much as they possibly can. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Becca</span>beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-15702027635858492802019-03-18T13:02:00.002+00:002023-03-18T18:32:42.426+00:00Maybe I'm not meant to be that girl?<div style="background-color: white; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I've always wondered why I've never been the girl with lots of friends. I have always been a little different. I was popular enough with most in my year at school but tended to float between different groups of people. I would watch (social media is great for making you feel included!) people in my year going to parties and getting drunk. But invitations rarely came my way. Spending my weekends alone or with family. I've always wished I could be more like those party people. I've always questioned, what's wrong with me? </span><br />
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<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">A lot of the time I have felt isolated and alone, even though I knew a lot of people. But, I wasn't really in a friendship group. I would come home for lunch or sit alone. Yet, in classes people would talk to me, I felt confused. It was frustrating not to have someone to run to, someone to phone for a gossip or someone to hang out with. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, I'm more isolated although I still have friends but not ones I see often or can run to or phone and ask to hang out. Nowadays, my friends are from different places. This means not many of them know each other and so we can't go for group coffee dates. I'm </span>grateful<span style="font-family: inherit;"> for all the friends I have and love them all dearly. I constantly just find myself craving friends who can get together as a group to go out for coffee date/ brunch dates every month or so. I find myself wishing for a friendship gang that explore and travel together. Who all support each other no matter what and who don't compete with each other.</span><br />
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As I try to work out why I don't have many friends <span style="font-family: inherit;">I always beat myself up, trying to pin point the reason, am I too loud? Am I too much for people? I haven't found the reason yet, but I blame myself for my lack of friendships. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I feel like a monster everyone wants to avoid or not get too involved with. But, maybe that's my self esteem? Or maybe I'm just not that girl, maybe I'm not meant to have these types of friendships I long and wish for. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Older people have suggested it's an age thing - apparently as you get older you become more forgiving, more tolerant and ready to mix with a wider range of people. I certainly hope so! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />I have tried to reach out to people. Asked if they want to grab a hot chocolate and usually get a "yeah, that would be great. We'll meet up soon", but then I never hear more. It leaves me feeling let down and horrible, also I never quite know how hard I should try to keep the friendship going and worry I'm either trying too hard/ not trying hard enough... it can be so hard to read signals! But maybe people are just too busy for me? I don't know where to go from here. Oh, I so wish I knew what to do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />I'm now 18 years old and still finding it hard to make friends in case I get let down, again. I hope that maybe one day making friends will be simpler and I'll find it easier to socialise. I should say that I do have a few very lovely and sincere friends;</span> I'll always treasure those who are in my life at current. P<span style="font-family: inherit;">ossibly I should accept that a few good friends will always be more valuable than a huge crowd of insincere friends, but you know how it feels when you see that crowd of people - you just long to be a part of it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Have you ever felt this way, or do you still feel this way? I doubt I am only person who finds this difficult. Let me know if you have managed to get yourself out of this place and spread your wings to bigger social groups, all helpful tips will be appreciated!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Becca x</span><br />
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beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-34071429890557968892019-01-30T12:16:00.001+00:002022-05-11T14:25:37.926+01:00The untold truths of eating disorder recovery<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I developed an
<a href="http://beccasloveforlife.blogspot.com/2018/07/alettertomyeatingdisorder.html" target="_blank">eating disorder</a> as a 14 year old, almost 15 year old. Still at 18 I long for
the sickness. The desire to be ill again. The familiarity of the disorder. The
safety of the disorder. The control and power it gives… these all come crashing
back each time I hit a ‘crisis’ or I feel I’m not in control or stressed.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Each and every
day is a new reason to restrict, a new reason to burn calories and make myself
get ‘rid’ of the food by making myself sick or by taking laxatives. Its been
like this since day one of so-called recovery and I’m now what three, almost
four years from my worst. But, the desire to have it all back still reappears
when things seem so out of control in my life but also in my mind. The eating
disorder is ‘my’ home when I feel the world crashing around me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The only way I
can compare it to is a fairyland, it looks and feels amazing at first, but the
deeper I get into it, the more twisted it is, and eventually having to climb
and climb my way back up the dark gloomy hole. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Eventually, the
fairyland turns into a living nightmare. But… even nightmares (when left
unfinished) leave a desire to fall back into them (or to find out the end). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">There’re days
where I look in the mirror and tell myself the hard truths. The ones rarely
spoken about. The ones we all ignore. “I want to die”, “I can’t keep going” etc
– all fly around in my head. The emotions I’ve been trying to numb resurface.
Telling them to go away and leave me alone. Telling myself its too hard and
impossible and I don’t want to do it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">And, I do it
anyway… eat something. Cry over calories and numbers. Panic in the shop over
all the decisions I ‘could’ make. What’s lowest in calories? What’s got the
least fat? What’s got the most protein? What’s got the most fibre? Lah Lah Lah
it continues. Pacing up and down looking like an idiot. However, I get up and
do it anyway despite my roaring fire of a brain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Though, the
eating disorder makes me feel repulsive towards my body. It makes me see a fat,
obese girl in the mirror. The only way to describe what I see is an umpalompa.
No amount of knowing my weight, bmi or clothing size reassures me. No amount of
worry from others over how “thin” I am or reassurance I’m not fat helps. It’s
what I see, or should I say it makes me see and nobody can change my mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The eating
disorder makes everyone out to be a liar. It’s like I’m running towards moving
cars that ha*ve to swerve out my way. It makes me despise myself. It makes me
want to hide and disappear. It makes me unworthy of dressing nicely because
there is always something you will pick on. Usually my fat stomach or fat upper
arms or thighs. Hoodies and leggings have become a safe haven. Showers and
baths are rare… once a week on a good week or once a fortnight. Why? Because I
cry the whole duration over my body. Watching the hair fall down the plug hole
and at times flooding the bathroom makes me despise it, but at the same time I
can’t get enough of it. Its almost comparable to an abusive relationship. It’s
a manipulator in making you cling onto it. But all it does is take, take and
more taking. It leaves you lost in a dark gloomy hole having to find courage,
bravery and strength to climb up the hole. It takes determination to suppress
the nasty thoughts. It’s a screaming match constantly but lowly the eating
disorder quietens and makes it easier. Though its always lurking about… one step
behind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Just now I’m
stuck. Stuck in the nightmare that was a fairyland for a while… Its now just
blank out exhausting. Even putting the words together to explain the thoughts
the eating disorder brings and giving the insight into it scares me. Part of me
wants to keep it ‘quiet’ and the other part wants to scream help me… honestly,
I don’t know what one to choose just now. It still feels that wee bit ‘safe’
and ‘secure’ like nothing else. Its hard knowing it all and having the insight but
putting it into practice is the scary terrifying part. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I have previously written a post called <a href="http://beccasloveforlife.blogspot.com/2018/07/alettertomyeatingdisorder.html" target="_blank">a letter to my eating disorder</a> which may also help you get a better understanding of what it feels like to live with an eating disorder. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">If you are affected by anything written in this post the <a href="https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/" target="_blank">BEAT </a> website has information on solely eating disorders and you may find it helpful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Becca x </span></div>
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<br />beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-78720343892375435702018-09-10T15:16:00.001+01:002022-05-11T14:24:59.434+01:00Understanding suicidal thoughts and feelings<div class="MsoNormal">
Today is suicide prevention day. So I wanted to talk about
suicidal thoughts so you have a better understanding of them and also things
you can look out for in your family and friends or even work colleagues.
Suicidal thoughts can affect anyone, they don’t discriminate. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In my last post I wrote about <a href="http://beccasloveforlife.blogspot.com/2018/09/surviving-a-suicide-attempt.html" target="_blank">surviving a suicide attempt</a>.
With personal experience I wanted to share what it’s like for a survivor. Why
did I want to? Well, if you’ve survived a suicide attempt it can make you feel
very alone and I wanted to share that you aren’t. But also, I wanted to help
others understand what it’s like. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, what are suicidal thoughts/ feelings? Well, they are
thoughts and feelings around taking your own life. They can range from being
preoccupied by thoughts about ending your life or feeling as though people
would be better off without you or to thinking/ panning methods of taking your
own life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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If you’re feeling/ having thoughts about suicide you will
probably be scared and or confused by these intense feelings. But, know your not
alone if you are feeling this way. Many people unfortunately think about
suicide at some point in their life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, what does it feel like to be suicidal? Well, it feels
different for every individual. However, you could feel as though you are
unable to cope with difficult and intense feelings. You might feel less as
though you want to die and more like you can’t keep living the life you have. <o:p></o:p></div>
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These feelings can build over time or they can change from
minute to minute. You may not understand why you feel this way and it is common
not to fully understand so don’t worry about it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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How long can you feel suicidal? Well, just like the sorts of
thoughts people can have it is unique. It can happen once or twice it for some
they can become chronic and they learn to live with these thoughts daily,
weekly or monthly. But please, if you struggle with suicidal thoughts regularly
DON’T give up. You have no idea what is around the corner for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So what are some of the warning signs of someone struggling with
suicidal thoughts? These are just some of the warning signs however some people
may not display warning signs however most will.</div>
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<ul>
<li>Hopelessness / worthlessness</li>
<li>Negative thinking about ones self</li>
<li>Isolation/ feeling alone</li>
<li>Engaging in risky behaviours</li>
<li>Drastic mood changes/ fluctuations</li>
<li>Feeling like a burden/ inconvenience</li>
<li>Talking about death frequently</li>
<li>Talking about feeling suicidal</li>
<li><a href="http://beccasloveforlife.blogspot.com/2016/12/addressing-self-harm-trigger-warning.html" target="_blank">Engaging in self harm</a></li>
</ul>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<b>People that can help you when your feeling suicidal:</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<ul>
<li>Your GP/ doctor</li>
<li>Walking into an A&E department</li>
<li>Phoning 999/ 101 / 111 (uk emergency service numbers)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.samaritans.org/" target="_blank">Samaritans</a>: 116123 (uk charity)</li>
<li><a href="http://breathingspace.scot/" target="_blank">Breathing Space</a>: 0800838587 (Scottish charity) </li>
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beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-1067914504938502072018-09-07T13:39:00.002+01:002022-05-11T14:24:41.901+01:00Surviving a suicide attempt<div style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">September is suicide prevention month and Monday the 10th of September is suicide prevention day. I thought that before the day I would write a post but I’m also going to upload another post on Monday as well. Today I wanted to write a post about surviving a suicide attempt. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2poo27fRltRFs5alrJ8jJfroYRuROMNs5wm5l_dmi4fOC_E8h6gucxNIXvJjZRABbwV0PudUjdA2300kO3keUXonf6Fc3C1cruXGb1sKiUqqhas_KKL7U14ZCgIlSXOS_5RKcn1GQzSoM/s1600/DSC05848.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2poo27fRltRFs5alrJ8jJfroYRuROMNs5wm5l_dmi4fOC_E8h6gucxNIXvJjZRABbwV0PudUjdA2300kO3keUXonf6Fc3C1cruXGb1sKiUqqhas_KKL7U14ZCgIlSXOS_5RKcn1GQzSoM/s1600/DSC05848.JPG" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Suicide on a whole is a very taboo subject, and I wish it wasn’t. It’s something some people struggle with. I am putting a TRIGGER WARNING on this post. So please if you think you might be triggered there are many other posts on my blog you can read. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In no way am I writing this post or any other posts on mental health for attention. I only want to help people feel less alone and maybe some of the things I say can help you understand things a bit better for someone who may be going through something similar. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, here goes... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You find yourself breathing, speaking and functioning when you wanted the complete opposite. You wanted to be gone. You wanted peace. You wanted it to stop. You couldn’t imagine being alive. You didn’t plan on being alive. BUT you are. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Suicide attempts are hard for everyone in your life to come to terms with but it’s also incredibly hard for you. Your loved ones might find it hard to come to terms with the fact you feel / felt so awful that you would even consider or try to attempt suicide. They might feel helpless knowing that you feel so awful and they can’t really help you. They might feel guilty that they weren’t around to help you when you felt the lowest of lows. But most importantly they will be thankful you’re still around because they care so much about you and couldn’t see a life without you. You can’t be replaced. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s hard to get back on your own two feet after a suicide attempt. You have to recover both physically and emotionally. It’s tough. You can feel all sorts of emotions after an attempt. The guilt, shame, disappointment and failure are just some emotions you can feel. But more so, you can feel confused... it’s hard to process what’s happened and the emotions. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You can feel everything you already felt, the pain you wanted to escape from and much much more that can make everything even more overwhelming. It can be even harder to stay safe and to manage how you feel after an attempt. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">However, these feelings can all be worked on. Though, it takes time and patience but also you need acknowledge the feelings and emotions to work through them. It is possible to feel better but it can take a while. But, if you make sure you do things you love it can be easier. If you surround yourself with people who care about you and make you feel happy it’s the main thing. People can help you when you feel low and be the support you so desperately need in the time after an attempt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you or a loved one is struggling you can contact: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Samaritans- 116 123</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> - <a href="mailto:jo@samaritans.org" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #e4af0a;">jo@samaritans.org</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In an emergency- 999 </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Becca </span></div>
beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9149802190056838120.post-68539730520215608482018-09-01T20:39:00.001+01:002022-05-11T14:25:12.173+01:00Should you show self harm scars? - TRIGGER WARNINGToday I wanted to talk about showing self harm scars. If you don't know much about self harm or the misconceptions that are around self harm <a href="http://beccasloveforlife.blogspot.com/2016/12/addressing-self-harm-trigger-warning.html" target="_blank">my post about self harm misconceptions might help you before I dive into this post.</a> I do want to just put a TRIGGER WARNING in case this post might upset some readers.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGQjoJZt2OSusS1cLiv6V7Aa_a5yv00fAFDi0iva7PXbMPjlQWrlLtVfvfMaLZ8_ADXbfYZOUxdZxr_xojQLZw2rLYVkG6kWsYU7Z5gmWHewDO-SXu4YX7k-Z9KrG_U21FAF3_qKL6p8dg/s1600/34792625_2111584705745285_551310145372553216_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGQjoJZt2OSusS1cLiv6V7Aa_a5yv00fAFDi0iva7PXbMPjlQWrlLtVfvfMaLZ8_ADXbfYZOUxdZxr_xojQLZw2rLYVkG6kWsYU7Z5gmWHewDO-SXu4YX7k-Z9KrG_U21FAF3_qKL6p8dg/s1600/34792625_2111584705745285_551310145372553216_n.jpg" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45335030" target="_blank">Earlier this week the bbc reported that</a> almost 25% of 14 year old girls have self harmed in the last twelve months. That's a quarter of all 14 year olds. With boys it was almost 1 in 10 who had self harmed in the last twelve months. That's two very scary figures. It actually shocked me. I knew it wasn't uncommon for people to self harm but I didn't quite realise so many self harm. It upset me to think so many people harm themselves to feel better or a relief from how they are feeling like I have.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So, is it wrong to show self harm scars? I’m talking scars and not healing or open wounds or bandages on arms, thighs ect. I personally don’t agree with recent self harm being on show, I don't think it's fair on anyone and it can be very distressing for people. Scars on the other hand I am very different about. I'm all for people showing scars as it shows they have got through a tough patch in their life. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP1qmwOgGeQ2LkOvIdieQs-Gpx3NAwibPlDX9bcizO5y2a64yfTZXEYBFOom0MZkzgK2iKd28nk7XR1CMAXzUahjbkBEIa9Sqfz1I98w7e8jjZIhPMxFoNj6oF0GP1Vc_9vvSIyMdaI1Rx/s1600/34774663_2111584715745284_5685792678424346624_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP1qmwOgGeQ2LkOvIdieQs-Gpx3NAwibPlDX9bcizO5y2a64yfTZXEYBFOom0MZkzgK2iKd28nk7XR1CMAXzUahjbkBEIa9Sqfz1I98w7e8jjZIhPMxFoNj6oF0GP1Vc_9vvSIyMdaI1Rx/s1600/34774663_2111584715745284_5685792678424346624_n.jpg" /></a></div>
<span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit; line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;"><span class="_7oe" style="display: inline; width: 0px;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;">I know this topic will bring up a huge discussion and I know it has with my self. As someone who’s self harmed themselves and has visible scars it’s an everyday question.... It's an everyday battle. </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline;"><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;">Some days I feel ok... it’s my body and my scars don’t bother me. I’ve learnt to accept them but yes I’m not proud of them. What I am proud of is how far I’ve come. Other days it’s a different story. I feel vulnerable and I know I couldn’t handle it if someone stared or made a remark about them. </span><span style="color: #1d2129;">Unfortunately</span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;"> people do and it can be hard to deal with. </span></span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: inherit;"><span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;"><span class="_7oe" style="display: inline; width: 0px;"><br /></span></span></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: inherit;">I know self harm is taboo subject and I’ve probably made many of you uncomfortable just writing this but I no longer want to feel I have to filter my pictures or wear long sleeves. I want to be Becca who feels confident in her own skin and hopefully this post will help someone else who struggles to show their scars learn that it's okay to.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;">The questions that go around in my head on a daily basis are: Will I upset someone? Will I trigger someone? What if I get stared at? What if someone makes a remark? Do I feel confide</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline;">nt enough to be stared? Do I feel confident enough to have someone make a remark? What would I say if someone asks what the marks on my arms are from? The list of questions could go on forever. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSnmjBCWKj1Jkkwp0K5Ibrxg2WHyY3Yd6cQYNNy86bYitwfcwLrXm2Wmz0-ZEF_TE-8ry5658gr07hi5Hvx0jG_uFmJmIc2Fm7VL2nabNAqeQ7M8io3mfhtH6vapHtG4k2hh_KTP6RT6GY/s1600/34672348_2111584722411950_311127572656160768_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSnmjBCWKj1Jkkwp0K5Ibrxg2WHyY3Yd6cQYNNy86bYitwfcwLrXm2Wmz0-ZEF_TE-8ry5658gr07hi5Hvx0jG_uFmJmIc2Fm7VL2nabNAqeQ7M8io3mfhtH6vapHtG4k2hh_KTP6RT6GY/s1600/34672348_2111584722411950_311127572656160768_n.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline;"><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;">The thing is, you can't always protect everyone, you can't hide your body forever and you do just need to take the plunge and show your scars. The longer you wait the more anxiety provoking it will become. Scars aren't anything to be ashamed of. They are part of your past. They show you have been through a hard time but that you have got through it and that's all that matters. If someone says something about your scars </span><span style="color: #1d2129;">ultimately</span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;"> it's their own issue and not yours. It's them that has the problem and not you. </span></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline;"><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;">What I’m really getting at is if you see someone walking down the street with scars please respect them. Respect them for having the courage to feel comfortable in their own body and most importantly the respect they deserve from you not to comment. Yes, you might feel uncomfortable with it but at the end of the day it’s like having a scar from surgery or that accident you had as a kid falling out of a tree or taking a hot tray out of the oven. The only difference was it was self inflicted... it was self inflicted because the person saw no other way to cope because they were saturated with emotions they didn't know how to deal with or they found to </span><span style="color: #1d2129;">overwhelming</span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;">. </span></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline;"><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: inherit;">Becca</span></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; display: inline; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span>beccasloveforlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03767361754394392884noreply@blogger.com0